I would like very much to have been born very handsome. Not for its own sake, but for the sake of being attractive to others. The reason I am so conservative in my tiny circle of friends, and the reason I stay in the house so much, is because I think my face & body unprepossessing. I’ve no doubt that this is only a superficial excuse for a more profound complaint within me. This is of course the paradox of my own nature. The thing that I am, being the thing which I despise. But I think my despite is justified.